Purpose

I have been trying to decide how to start this blog post. I have been articulating different words and phrases in my mind to make this sound just right. There are sometimes though where the best way to tell a story is to just flat out say it and hope that whoever is reading or listening takes it the way that you intended.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been told that I was “wise beyond my years” I never quite knew what they meant by that. These words were told to me by very influential people in my life. My parents, grandparents, preachers and people of my church. I very heavily remember this happening when I was in middle school. Middle school was a weird time for everyone. It’s a very important time for us as far as character development goes. This is important because I very vividly remember feeling so purpose driven. I was so focused on finding my purpose and I re-visited this feeling when I read a couple of my old notebooks from my younger years. Was this the characteristic that set me apart from my peers?

I remember always being the sensitive one. The one who cried a lot and felt too deeply and gave too much. I was also always considered the friendly one. The one who always understood and made an effort to be that friend. That friend who always listened. That friend who was always there. The one who was the friend that she always needed.

I do believe that I had a deeper feel for life. A deeper love.

My purpose finally felt full in the tenth year of school. The year that I became a mother. I truly believe that there are all different ways that we are called in life. I was sixteen years old and I felt the most vulnerable I ever have in my entire life.

Seriously, I felt emotionally and physically drained from day to day. I was a high school dual athlete and involved in as many clubs as my schedule allowed not to mention that I did my hardest to be as involved in my church as possible. I did this all while carrying a baby I didn’t know was about to be born. Don’t worry.. This isn’t a virgin Mary story. At least God told her what was coming to her, I was blindsided.

My story is a basic one. I was in love with a guy that I thought could love me back but he just couldn’t do it in the way that I needed him to. I was way too much for him. But the love for that child came running through my veins as soon as the numbness of shock rolled off. Due to my situation post-birth the mention of adoption came up. It would be an ideal situation. I didn’t know I was pregnant. I held no bond to the child I bared. Giving a baby up for adoption is a wonderful thing. It can become such a selfless act if you allow it, if you have a loving, willing family on your side. I truly believe that there are some people called to be God’s vessel of the gift of life to those who cannot bare on their own. On the other hand, there are some people who are called to be parents even in the less-than-perfect situation. Even when the miracle of birth comes falling in your lap and you become a mother overnight. I am that people. Seeing her I felt all the overwhelming deep love that I felt over the years, I felt my purpose finally feel whole.

Remember me telling you that my purpose obsession happened in middle school? Guess when I met my daughter’s father.

I fell like there are some people who come into your life to leave and that’s okay. Sometimes they leave something behind that means far more than their presence ever could.

I have these coincidence’s happen often in life. That was just a major example. Sometimes God speaks to me with ideas. With words that I have to write down. With responses to a friend in need. Sometimes though it’s just repeating thoughts that I don’t always act on.

There was a time period where I put going to church on the back-burner. I adore my church very much. There is something about its core that makes me feel so much at home. It’s such a comforting feeling from the people there to the building itself. There was a Sunday were I just decided it needed to become more of a priority. I started going more and attending the adult Sunday School class and going to the events and you would have thought I would have never left the way that people made me feel. There are times where the would get people from the congregation to volunteer to read the readings for the day and most of the time it was the same people-probably the people that they know would say yes. But that made me think about my desire to do more in the church and to get myself more involved. That thought ket replaying in my mind and even though I knew it was as simple as telling my rector what I wanted to do, I just never said anything about it.

With that being said, a couple of months later I was at Christmas with my family when my aunt pulled me aside and asked the the golden question “I’m coming off the vestry this year and I need someone to take my place. Not only were you on the top of my list but your name was on top of each person who was delegated to pick the next nominees. when I tell you God speaks.. He speaks. I of course accepted the offer and I was super stoked about it.

(for those of you who may not know a vestry is a meeting of parishioners, originally in a vestry, for the conduct of parochial business. mainly known to be in the episcopal church. )

So this is it. This is what this whole blog is going to be about. My callings. My thoughts and understandings.

Thank you,

calling c.p.