Hosea: Betrayal and Healing

When Faithfulness Hurts: What the Book of Hosea Taught Me After Betrayal

I’ve been in an unfaithful relationship before, one where the person I trusted chose someone else behind my back. It’s the kind of heartbreak that makes you question everything: your worth, your judgment, even your ability to trust again. Healing from that kind of betrayal isn’t linear; it comes in waves, some days soft and some days crushing.

So, when I recently revisited the book of Hosea, it hit me in a whole new way. This isn’t just an ancient prophetic book tucked quietly in the Old Testament. It’s one of the most raw, emotional portraits of betrayal, heartbreak, and relentless love in all of Scripture. And honestly, it mirrors the emotional rollercoaster of anyone who has ever felt cheated on, abandoned, or forgotten by someone they gave everything to.

Thanks to The Bible Project’s incredibly clear overview and some rich historical notes, I’m seeing Hosea with fresh eyes. So here’s the story and why it matters.

A Love Story Full of Pain (and Promise)

Hosea lived in the 8th century BC during the final, crumbling years of the northern kingdom of Israel. Politically, it was chaos. Spiritually, it was even worse. Israel was caught in a cycle of idolatry, broken covenants, and moral decline; constantly running to other nations and other gods for security.

And God uses the prophet Hosea’s marriage as the living, breathing symbol of what’s happening.

The Call No One Would Want

God tells Hosea to marry Gomer, a woman who would later be unfaithful to him; a woman whose wandering heart would break his. Their marriage becomes the central analogy for God and Israel:

Hosea is the faithful one
Gomer is the one who leaves, chases other lovers, and breaks the covenant

This isn’t a tidy Bible metaphor. It’s messy. It’s emotional. It’s painful. And reading it, you feel the sting of what betrayal does to a heart that only wanted loyalty.

This is what God feels toward His people.
This is what unfaithfulness looks like from His side.
And this is where the heartbreak (and the grace) begin.

A Nation That Forgot Its First Love

Israel in Hosea’s time as a people who wanted the benefits of God but also wanted to “chase other lovers” such as idols, political alliances, and corrupt systems that offered comfort without commitment.

Historically, Israel was:

Worshiping Baal and mixing pagan rituals with their faith
Exploiting the poor
Breaking the covenant God had made with them
Seeking protection from Egypt or Assyria instead of trusting God

Just like Gomer left Hosea, Israel left God.
And just like betrayal in a relationship, it brought consequences.

Hosea’s children were even given symbolic names like Lo-Ammi (“not my people”) and Lo-Ruhamah (“not loved”) representing the brokenness of Israel’s covenant relationship with God. The names are bracing, but they reveal exactly how bad things had gotten.

Love That Doesn’t Give Up. Even When It Should

Here’s where the story gets even more striking.

After Gomer leaves Hosea and ends up trapped in a life of exploitation, God tells Hosea to go get her back. To buy her out of slavery. To restore her. To love her again.

Not because she deserved it.
But because Hosea’s love was meant to mirror God’s faithful love for His unfaithful people.

This can beautifully describe as the heart of Hosea:
a God whose justice and mercy meet in a love fierce enough to pursue us even when we run.

Hosea is not a story about excusing betrayal. It’s a story about God healing it.

A Message for Anyone Who Has Ever Been Betrayed

What stands out to me most is how personal Hosea feels.

Because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted.
To wonder why someone wasn’t faithful.
To ask what I did wrong, even when the truth is that their choices weren’t mine to carry.

But Hosea shows that God fully understands betrayal, far deeper than I ever could. His people broke His heart again and again. Yet His response wasn’t to abandon them. Instead, He promised restoration:

“I will heal their waywardness.”
“I will love them freely.”
“You are my people.”

Hosea reveals a God who sees the hurt, the unfaithfulness, and the shattered trust, and still chooses love, redemption, and renewal.

Why Hosea Still Matters Today

In a world that treats relationships as disposable, Hosea stands as a reminder that:

Faithfulness matters
Covenant love is powerful
Healing is possible
God’s love is not fragile or fickle
And even when humans fail us, God does not

It’s not a call to tolerate toxic relationships or excuse betrayal. Hosea actually shows the consequences of broken trust. But it is a call to understand that God brings beauty even from betrayal, and He knows the pain of unfaithfulness better than anyone.

Closing Thoughts

Reading Hosea after my own heartbreak made the story come alive. It reminded me that:

God understands betrayal intimately
He never stops pursuing restoration
And He is faithful even when everyone else is not

Hosea is more than a prophetic book, it’s a love story written through tears. It’s the heart of God on display. And it’s an invitation to trust again, not because people are perfect, but because He is.

If you’ve ever been cheated on, abandoned, or left wondering why your love wasn’t enough Hosea tells you this:

You are loved by a God who never stops choosing you.

Job Summary

If Psalms is the book that gives words to our prayers, Job is the book that gives voice to our pain. It is ancient, poetic, raw, and deeply human and one of the oldest writings in Scripture. Many Bible Project and documentary-style videos describe Job as a wisdom book that wrestles with the hardest question in human history: why do the righteous suffer?

But Job is not a simple Q&A. It’s a drama.

The Setting: A Righteous Man in a Broken World

Job is introduced as “blameless and upright,” a man devoted to God, generous with others, and faithful in every area of life (Job 1). He’s the kind of person Bible storytellers often portray as the model patriarch he was wealthy, honorable, peaceful.

And then the story takes a cosmic turn.

In a heavenly scene often highlighted in Bible Project videos, an accuser (the “satan” in Hebrew, meaning adversary) challenges Job’s integrity. He claims that Job is only faithful because God has blessed him.

God allows Job to be tested, not to destroy him, but to reveal something deeper.

The Suffering: A Life Torn Apart

In rapid succession, Job loses:

His livestock and livelihood
His servants
His home
His ten children
His health

Dramatized Bible videos often slow this moment down, capturing the heartbreak as Job sits in ashes, scraping painful sores with broken pottery. Yet in the midst of devastation, Job utters one of the most enduring lines in Scripture:

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
— Job 1:21

It’s faith, but it’s also bewilderment.

The Debate: Friends Who Don’t Bring Comfort

Most of the book is poetic dialogue. Job’s three friends (Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar) start well. They sit with him for seven days in silence, a moment many Bible videos call “the best thing they ever did.”

Then they talk.

What follows is a cycle of speeches built on an ancient assumption:
Good things happen to good people; bad things happen to bad people.

They argue:

Job must have sinned
God must be punishing him
Justice must be immediate
Suffering must have a clear cause

But Job pushes back. Not with arrogance, but with honesty:

“I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”
“Something here isn’t adding up.”
“I need answers from God.”

His cries are raw, emotional, and deeply human and the kind of lament that Bible teachers often highlight as a model of honest faith.

Elihu’s Perspective: A Young Voice Emerges

A fourth speaker, Elihu, enters later (Job 32–37). Many Bible commentaries and video overviews note that his speeches shift the conversation:

Suffering may refine, not just punish
God is just, but His wisdom is beyond simple formulas
Sometimes God uses hardship to draw us closer

Elihu doesn’t answer everything, but he broadens the lens.

God Speaks: The Whirlwind

The climax of Job is not an explanation, it’s an encounter.

God answers Job “out of the whirlwind,” a moment often visualized in Bible videos with stunning imagery. But instead of explaining why Job suffered, God reframes the entire conversation.

He asks Job questions:

“Were you there when I laid the foundation of the earth?”
“Can you command the morning?”
“Do you understand the mysteries of creation?”

These aren’t rebukes. They’re revelations.

God shows Job (and us) that the world is vast, complex, beautiful, and beyond full human understanding. Suffering cannot be reduced to simple cause and effect.

The message many Bible teachers emphasize:
We may not get answers, but we get God Himself. And that is enough.

The Restoration: Pain Doesn’t Have the Final Word

Job humbly acknowledges God’s wisdom, and God restores:

His health
His wealth (twice over)
His relationships
His family: Job again becomes a father of sons and daughters

But the restoration doesn’t erase the pain. It simply shows that suffering is not the end of the story.

Why Job Still Matters

Job is timeless because every person eventually stands where he stood, confused, hurting, and wrestling with questions that don’t have easy answers.

The book teaches:

Faith is not transactional.
Suffering doesn’t always reflect personal sin.
God’s wisdom is bigger than human logic.
Honest lament is a form of worship.
God meets us in the whirlwind, not merely after it.

Bible Project overviews often call Job a “wisdom protest”—a sacred space where human pain and divine mystery meet.

And that’s why Job remains one of Scripture’s most profound masterpieces.

The Books of Samuel

If Judges is the story of a nation unraveling and Joshua is the story of a promise taking root, then Samuel is the story of a nation searching for identity. These books chart Israel’s transformation from a scattered tribal confederation into a unified kingdom, complete with political drama, prophetic fire, military triumphs, and deeply human failure. Many Bible Project videos describe Samuel as the bridge from chaos to kingdom, and that phrase captures its heart perfectly.

The Setting: A Silent Nation and a Praying Woman

Samuel opens not with a king or a soldier, but with Hannah, a heartbroken woman praying in the tabernacle at Shiloh. It’s a quiet, intimate scene and one that Bible dramatizations often highlight as the spark of a national turning point.

God hears Hannah’s prayer, and her son Samuel becomes:

The last judge
A prophet
A priestly figure
The spiritual leader who ushers Israel into a new era

Samuel grows up during a time when, as many Bible videos note, “the word of the Lord was rare” (1 Samuel 3). His calling marks the return of prophetic leadership to Israel.

Israel Demands a King

As Samuel grows older, Israel becomes restless. They look at the nations around them and want what everyone else has: a king. Samuel warns them (often portrayed in Bible stories as a moment of sober prophecy) that a king will bring burdens, taxes, and war drafts.

But the people insist.

Saul: Israel’s First King

God gives Israel what they ask for: Saul, tall, impressive, and outwardly kingly. In early chapters and animated videos, Saul looks like the perfect choice; victorious in battle and humble at first.

But cracks appear quickly:

He offers unlawful sacrifices
He makes rash vows
He spares what God commanded him to destroy
He becomes paranoid and insecure

Saul’s downfall is slow, painful, and deeply human. Even Bible Project illustrations show his arc descending as Samuel’s prophetic warnings rise.

David: Shepherd, Warrior, King-in-the-Making

While Saul spirals, God quietly anoints another: David, a young shepherd from Bethlehem. The contrast is immediate. David is chosen not for appearance, but for the heart.

Key moments include:

David and Goliath, one of the most frequently dramatized stories in all Bible media
David and Jonathan’s friendship, often celebrated in youth Bible videos
David fleeing from Saul, living as a fugitive while refusing to harm the king
David’s growing band of followers, the future core of his kingdom

Through it all, Bible videos often underline a central theme:
David trusts God’s timing, not his own power.

From Fugitive to King

After Saul’s tragic death at Mount Gilboa, David becomes king: first over Judah, then over all Israel. His reign brings the unity Israel lacked in Judges:

Jerusalem becomes the capital
The ark is brought into the city, a deeply symbolic moment
Military victories establish Israel as a regional power

The nation finally looks stable.

David’s Downfall: A King’s Humanity Exposed

But Samuel refuses to idealize its heroes. One of the reasons modern Bible teachers cherish these books is their honesty about leadership.

David’s greatest failure (his sin with Bathsheba and the arranged death of her husband, Uriah) is central to the narrative. Bible Project videos highlight this as the turning point where David’s personal life fractures, and the consequences ripple outward:

Family conflict
Rebellion by his son Absalom
National instability
Pain that chases David even into old age

Yet David’s willingness to repent, especially in his encounter with the prophet Nathan, becomes a defining spiritual moment.

The Legacy and the Promise

As Samuel’s narrative concludes, David’s story ends with a mixture of triumph and regret. He prepares for Solomon to take the throne and looks ahead to something greater (a future king from his line whose kingdom will endure forever).

Bible videos often highlight this promise (2 Samuel 7) as one of the most important covenants in all of Scripture, setting the stage for the rest of the biblical story.

Why Samuel Still Matters

The Books of Samuel aren’t just historical accounts; they are a theological exploration of leadership, character, and covenant. They show:

The cost of demanding the wrong kind of king
The danger of pride and insecurity
The tension between power and faithfulness
The beauty of repentance
The hope of a better kingdom still to come

Many Bible Project summaries describe Samuel as a story of God working through deeply flawed individuals to move His redemptive plan forward.

And that’s the heartbeat of these books:
A nation rising. A king failing. A promise remaining.

Joshua

If the Pentateuch is the long road of promise, then Joshua is the moment the promise finally touches the ground. It reads like a historical epic with battle scenes, miraculous signs, ancient city-states, shifting borders, yet it never loses its theological heartbeat. Many Bible videos and Bible Project overviews frame Joshua as the “fulfillment book,” where God begins delivering on promises first given centuries earlier to Abraham.

The Setting: A New Generation Steps Forward

The book begins with the passing of the torch. Moses, Israel’s great prophet-leader, is gone. Joshua, his apprentice and battlefield commander, now stands before a nation perched on the edge of Canaan. Bible storytellers often describe this moment as a “hinge in Israel’s history” a transition from wandering to possessing.

God’s opening words to Joshua set the tone (Joshua 1):
Be strong and courageous. I am with you wherever you go.

This isn’t just encouragement; it’s a commissioning.

Crossing Into the Promise

The early chapters unfold like dramatic scenes from a faith-based documentary:

The spies in Jericho
Rahab’s brave sheltering of Israel’s spies highlighted often in children’s videos and Bible recaps
The miraculous crossing of the Jordan River, where the waters stand still just as they did at the Red Sea

Each moment signals that God is actively making a way, just as He did for the previous generation.

The Battles: Conquest and Complexity

Joshua’s middle chapters are famous for their military campaigns, though Bible teachers often emphasize the theological layers over the battlefield details.

Major highlights include:

The fall of Jericho (Joshua 6), often dramatized in animated Bible stories with the iconic marching and trumpet blasts
The setback at Ai, caused by Israel’s disobedience (Joshua 7)
The southern and northern campaigns, showing Israel pushing into key city alliances
The sun standing still in Joshua 10—one of the most visually striking miracle moments emphasized in Bible videos

Modern summaries often address the tension in these chapters (the moral and historical questions around conquest) while also explaining how ancient Near Eastern warfare accounts were understood in their own time.

The Land: Promises Become Geography

A large portion of Joshua is devoted to dividing the land among the tribes. It may feel slow to modern readers, but Bible Project videos often point out how these chapters fulfill God’s long-standing covenant promises.

This section is Israel’s first ancient map—a tangible reminder that God doesn’t just make promises; He roots them in real soil, real borders, and real inheritance.

Key moments include:

Caleb receiving Hebron at age 85
The allotment of territories
Cities of refuge, showing God’s concern for justice
Levitical cities, grounding worship throughout the land

A Leader’s Final Words

Just as Moses gave his farewell, Joshua ends his life with a covenant renewal. His speeches (Joshua 23–24) act like a spiritual anchor for the nation. Many Bible-based teaching videos highlight his declaration at Shechem:

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
— Joshua 24:15

It’s more than a household motto, it’s Joshua’s legacy.

Why Joshua Still Matters

Joshua isn’t just the story of battles and borders; it’s a narrative about trusting God enough to step into the unknown. It reminds readers that faith is both belief and action, and that promises often require courage to claim.

Bible Project overviews often describe this book as a picture of God’s faithfulness meeting human responsibility. Israel doesn’t enter the land because they’re strong, but because God is keeping His word—and inviting them to participate.

Joshua stands as a historical and spiritual turning point, bridging the journey from wandering to belonging and setting the stage for the turbulent era of the Judges.

Judges Summary

The Book of Judges

If the Book of Joshua feels like Israel charging triumphantly into the Promised Land, then Judges is the sobering reality check that follows: a raw, unfiltered look at what happens when a nation forgets its foundation. Judges is one of the most dramatic books in the Hebrew Bible, blending history, theology, and storytelling with a strikingly human honesty. Many Bible video overviews like those from The Bible Project or dramatized retellings from Bible Stories for Kids describe it as an ancient “cycle of brokenness,” and that phrase really captures the heartbeat of the narrative.

The Setting: A Leaderless Nation

Judges spans roughly 300–350 years after Joshua’s death. With no central king and no unified leadership, Israel becomes a patchwork of tribes learning (often painfully) how to survive morally and politically.

The book opens with what could have been a hopeful moment: Israel continuing to conquer the land (Judges 1). But the momentum slips quickly. They fail to fully drive out the surrounding nations, and this slow compromise becomes the seed of deeper issues.

Bible Project videos often highlight this as “the beginning of the downward spiral” which is a theme that defines the rest of the book.

The Cycle: Sin → Oppression → Cry for Help → Deliverance

One of the clearest patterns in Judges is its repeated spiritual and social cycle:

Israel abandons God for the idols of surrounding nations
Foreign oppression rises
Israel cries out in distress
God raises a judge: a spirit-empowered leader
Temporary peace, until the cycle starts all over again

If you’ve seen animated Bible summaries, they often use a literal spiral graphic to show how each cycle gets worse than the last, less faithful, less heroic, and more tragic.

The Judges Themselves: Imperfect Heroes

“Judge” here doesn’t mean a courtroom official; it means a military deliverer and regional leader. Some are well-known; others get only a verse or two.

Major judges include:

Othniel – the ideal model judge (Judges 3)
Ehud – the left-handed strategist who frees Israel from Moab
Deborah – prophetess, leader, and the only female judge (Judges 4–5)
Gideon – called while hiding in fear; later struggles with pride (Judges 6–8)
Jephthah – a tragic figure known for his rash vow (Judges 11)
Samson – perhaps the most famous judge; gifted with supernatural strength but undone by lack of discipline (Judges 13–16)

Modern Bible video commentaries often explore how the judges become progressively flawed—reflecting Israel’s own growing corruption.

A Nation Unraveling

The final chapters (Judges 17–21) are some of the darkest narratives in Scripture. There are no judges, no heroes just moral chaos. These stories show:

Idolatry spreading unchecked
Violence and civil war between tribes
A society drifting far from God’s laws

The repeated line, highlighted in many dramatic retellings and commentaries, serves as the book’s haunting refrain:

“In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.”
— Judges 21:25

It’s not just a summary, it’s a warning.

Why Judges Still Matters

Judges is more than a collection of wild stories; it’s a historical mirror. It shows the dangers of spiritual forgetfulness, the consequences of compromise, and the resilience of God’s mercy. Every time Israel breaks the covenant, God raises up deliverance as imperfect though it may be.

Bible Project videos emphasize that the book ultimately creates longing:
longing for true leadership, true transformation, and a king who can lead with righteousness.

That longing sets the stage for the books of Samuel and the rise of David.

Lucy Shimmers and the Prince of Peace Review

Lucy Shimmers and the Prince of Peace is not just a film—it’s an emotional journey that gently wraps your heart in warmth, compassion, and hope. From the very first frame, it’s clear that this story is driven by a deep desire to uplift and inspire, and it succeeds with grace.

At the center is Lucy, a radiant little girl whose innocence and unwavering faith become the emotional core of the film. Despite her illness, Lucy’s optimism never falters. Her belief in kindness, love, and the healing power of compassion is both humbling and profoundly moving. Through her eyes, we see a world where forgiveness and second chances are possible—even for those who believe they’ve fallen too far.

The film’s connection between Lucy and Edgar, a hardened inmate, is nothing short of miraculous. Their bond speaks to the redemptive power of love and how the purest hearts can reach the darkest souls. Watching Edgar’s transformation, prompted by Lucy’s courage and unwavering light, is one of the most emotionally powerful elements of the story.

What truly elevates Lucy Shimmers and the Prince of Peace is its unapologetic embrace of faith—not in a preachy way, but in a deeply human, healing sense. It reminds us that even in the darkest times, peace can find us, often through the most unexpected messengers.

The performances are gentle and heartfelt, especially from Scarlett Diamond as Lucy. Her portrayal is so genuine that it lingers long after the credits roll. The film’s direction, pacing, and soundtrack all complement the story’s emotional resonance.

In a world often clouded with cynicism, Lucy Shimmers and the Prince of Peace is a rare and beautiful reminder of hope, second chances, and the quiet power of grace. Prepare to cry, reflect, and be moved—it’s a story that leaves a lasting impression on the soul.

Nahum

Written by: the Prophet Nahum

A collection of poems announcing the downfall of Assyria and Nineveh

Assyria was one of the great ancient empires and also known as one of Israel’s great oppressors. Assyria’s expansion into Israel destroyed The Northern Kingdom and it’s tribe there. (2Kings17)

The fall of Assyria came in 612 BC, Babylonians rose up and took the city of Nineveh (Assyria’s capital) Chapter two depicts the fall of the city of Nineveh followed by chapter three where it depicts the fall of the empire entirely. BUT chapter one’s introduction to the book begins with the Lord’s anger and how he plans on seeking vengeance for his people of Israel and heal the oppressed and those who go against Him. God appears to judge the evil among nations.

“The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

Nahum quotes Exodus (34: 6-7) by saying The Lord is slow to get angry, but His power is great and He never lets the guilty go unpunished. The poems then goes on to discuss the differences and similarities to The Fate of the Nations vs. The Fate of God’s Faithful Remnant. He never mentions Ninevah or Assyria by name in chapter one which could imply a few things:

Nahum is portraying Ninevah’s fall as an example of how God is at work in different points of history.

Chapter two then brutally depicts the battle of Ninveah and the state in which the city becomes.

Chapter three goes into detail about how the city’s downfall effects Assyrian’s as a whole. “Woe to the city built on innocent blood” He proceeds to explain that their own voilence is what ultimately lead to their downfall.

Made to Know God

Jeremiah 9:23-24

“This is what the LORD says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.”

There is a difference in knowing God, believing in God and knowing that you can have a real, life-giving relationship with God. You are not only made by God but you are also created to know God through a personal relationship with Jesus, His son. When I was a little girl, I was inspired by the love of Christ. I wanted to be like Jesus when I grew up. I wanted to be someone who gave people wonderful advice in mysterious ways. I wanted to be someone that people came to in their time of need. I wanted to be a guiding light for those who need it but most importantly, I wanted to show the world that unconditional love was possible.

There has never been a moment in your life that you have not been loved by the Lord. Jesus loves the broken, the sick, the suffering. He is closest to those who need Him and find refuge in Him. More importantly, He is closest to those who love Him. Jesus is a Savior and He is there to save us in our times of worry and doubt. Nothing will ever separate you from the love of Christ. Our unbelief cannot. Our bad decisions cannot. Our pride and self-sufficiency cannot. You will never escape His love for you.

Romans 8:38

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

In Christ we discover that we are radically loved without condition, completely forgiven, made to live forever and never too far gone.

Jesus, help me remember that I am created to have a friendship with you. Help me define myself as being radically loved by you as I seek you with my whole heart. Take my life and make me who you created me to be.

amen,

c.p

Highlights from James 1

“When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it a great opportunity for joy.”

Not “if” but “when”. God knows we will face trials and tribulation and with his word he will give us everything we need to fight these battles.

“… Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea.”

As hard as it might be, you must have faith in God and God alone. You must be loyal to Him. Do not let your fear override your faith in Him.

“God blesses those who endure testing and temptation.”

Temptation does not come from God. He is never tempted to do wrong. When your faith is tested your endurance strengthens. God will gift you with the good and the perfect. We are God’s most prized possession and He reminds us of this throughout history. In Him, we are cared for.

“… You must be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to get angry. “

Take time to hear what God is telling you. Do not be tempted by anger and aggression. Our human anger does not produce God’s righteousness. We must always humbly accept God’s word as it has the power to save our souls in times of temptation and weakness.

“Don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says.”

According to God, the perfect law will set you free. It’s important to apply the word to daily life. To not only read it but meditate on it and let it reside in your soul. God will bless you for doing so.

“If you claim religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself…”

Always be kind and courteous when it comes to your words. The tongue is the key to life and death, it can lead you astray. It important to season yourself with comforting words of grace and patience. Be kind to others, in word and in deed.

Purpose

I have been trying to decide how to start this blog post. I have been articulating different words and phrases in my mind to make this sound just right. There are sometimes though where the best way to tell a story is to just flat out say it and hope that whoever is reading or listening takes it the way that you intended.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been told that I was “wise beyond my years” I never quite knew what they meant by that. These words were told to me by very influential people in my life. My parents, grandparents, preachers and people of my church. I very heavily remember this happening when I was in middle school. Middle school was a weird time for everyone. It’s a very important time for us as far as character development goes. This is important because I very vividly remember feeling so purpose driven. I was so focused on finding my purpose and I re-visited this feeling when I read a couple of my old notebooks from my younger years. Was this the characteristic that set me apart from my peers?

I remember always being the sensitive one. The one who cried a lot and felt too deeply and gave too much. I was also always considered the friendly one. The one who always understood and made an effort to be that friend. That friend who always listened. That friend who was always there. The one who was the friend that she always needed.

I do believe that I had a deeper feel for life. A deeper love.

My purpose finally felt full in the tenth year of school. The year that I became a mother. I truly believe that there are all different ways that we are called in life. I was sixteen years old and I felt the most vulnerable I ever have in my entire life.

Seriously, I felt emotionally and physically drained from day to day. I was a high school dual athlete and involved in as many clubs as my schedule allowed not to mention that I did my hardest to be as involved in my church as possible. I did this all while carrying a baby I didn’t know was about to be born. Don’t worry.. This isn’t a virgin Mary story. At least God told her what was coming to her, I was blindsided.

My story is a basic one. I was in love with a guy that I thought could love me back but he just couldn’t do it in the way that I needed him to. I was way too much for him. But the love for that child came running through my veins as soon as the numbness of shock rolled off. Due to my situation post-birth the mention of adoption came up. It would be an ideal situation. I didn’t know I was pregnant. I held no bond to the child I bared. Giving a baby up for adoption is a wonderful thing. It can become such a selfless act if you allow it, if you have a loving, willing family on your side. I truly believe that there are some people called to be God’s vessel of the gift of life to those who cannot bare on their own. On the other hand, there are some people who are called to be parents even in the less-than-perfect situation. Even when the miracle of birth comes falling in your lap and you become a mother overnight. I am that people. Seeing her I felt all the overwhelming deep love that I felt over the years, I felt my purpose finally feel whole.

Remember me telling you that my purpose obsession happened in middle school? Guess when I met my daughter’s father.

I fell like there are some people who come into your life to leave and that’s okay. Sometimes they leave something behind that means far more than their presence ever could.

I have these coincidence’s happen often in life. That was just a major example. Sometimes God speaks to me with ideas. With words that I have to write down. With responses to a friend in need. Sometimes though it’s just repeating thoughts that I don’t always act on.

There was a time period where I put going to church on the back-burner. I adore my church very much. There is something about its core that makes me feel so much at home. It’s such a comforting feeling from the people there to the building itself. There was a Sunday were I just decided it needed to become more of a priority. I started going more and attending the adult Sunday School class and going to the events and you would have thought I would have never left the way that people made me feel. There are times where the would get people from the congregation to volunteer to read the readings for the day and most of the time it was the same people-probably the people that they know would say yes. But that made me think about my desire to do more in the church and to get myself more involved. That thought ket replaying in my mind and even though I knew it was as simple as telling my rector what I wanted to do, I just never said anything about it.

With that being said, a couple of months later I was at Christmas with my family when my aunt pulled me aside and asked the the golden question “I’m coming off the vestry this year and I need someone to take my place. Not only were you on the top of my list but your name was on top of each person who was delegated to pick the next nominees. when I tell you God speaks.. He speaks. I of course accepted the offer and I was super stoked about it.

(for those of you who may not know a vestry is a meeting of parishioners, originally in a vestry, for the conduct of parochial business. mainly known to be in the episcopal church. )

So this is it. This is what this whole blog is going to be about. My callings. My thoughts and understandings.

Thank you,

calling c.p.